Feminism, Pop-Culture | Posted by Danielle P on 07/30/2012

I Should Be Allowed To Enjoy Sex

stop slut shaming me

I lost my virginity at sixteen to a boy who was just a friend. I was blessed to have friends who where very open minded and accepted that fact. I know from experience that some people would not take that fact so lightly. A friend of one of my friends found out that I had hooked up with that same boy before we had sex and called me a slut. At the time it felt really unfair that I was called a slut for hooking up with one boy. I did something I enjoyed that made me and someone else happy and I get called a slut? Why? Apparently, because I’m a girl and it’s wrong for me to even think about sex let alone have it.

My high school did not have great sexual education and when sex was mentioned it was mostly from a male point of view. I thought to myself: Why is it that we can talk openly about a guy receiving oral sex but the idea of a girl receiving oral sex is too much to handle? And what about sexual intercourse? That act involves two people, so why are we only focusing on the guys? Not to mention masturbation, which is something that’s totally okay for guys to talk about but uncomfortable for girls to ever mention.

I was fed the idea that only shameful girls partake in sexual activates. I was told to wait until I got married to someone I love and then have sex because then it wouldn’t be a sin. The truth is, when I’m having sex, I’m not doing it for my partner — I’m doing it for me. I’m doing it to satisfy my natural urges. Don’t get me wrong, though — I enjoy making my partner enjoy the experience as well. But I had to learn on my own that all the sexual acts that I was taking part in could also give me pleasure.

I should not have to feel ashamed about enjoying sex or wanting to have it. In this day and age, I should be allowed to walk into a drugstore, pick up the pill and a pack of condoms and not get strange stares from the other customers and cashiers. After all, if I’m just trying to be safe and healthy then why am I getting looked at like I have three heads? I shouldn’t be called a slut or a whore because I want to reach an orgasm. If I were a guy, I would be getting high fives for trying to do so, but since I have a vagina I’m considered a sad women who just spreads her legs around town.

Everyone needs to start learning the obvious fact that sex is for both girls and guys. Women should not be shamed into waiting to have sex nor shamed for having it. I am not scared to say I enjoy sex. It has no effect on who I am as a person, so society: stop trying to convince me otherwise.

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  • Gina Marie @ at 12:10 pm, July 30th, 2012

    Good for you!! Totally agree!

  • Bryan Newman @ at 1:35 am, July 31st, 2012

    Great article! I am sharing it on my facebook. Thanks for writing it. I hear so much slut shaming everywhere I go and see it all over facebook. It is such a huge problem.

  • Cupideros @ at 8:01 pm, August 2nd, 2012

    Two good books to read on this subject:

    Promiscuities:The secret struggle for womanhood by Naomi Wolf

    Slut! Growing up Female with a Bad Reputation by Leora Tanenbaum

    Sex is your right.


  • Cat @ at 12:07 am, August 3rd, 2012

    It’s good to know there are other teenage girls who realize that slut-shaming is a load of crap! I’m in college now but still face similar problems – it’s okay for guys to sleep with me, but not for me to sleep with them. Or, God forbid, actually WANT to. There seems to be this idea that I let guys ‘take advantage’ of me, but I’m perfectly aware of what I’m doing, and if I didn’t want it, I wouldn’t do it. Good post (:

  • Camille B @ at 1:55 pm, August 3rd, 2012

    Also we need to realize that waiting is not shameful either. I will choose to wait for me not because of society or what my religion tells me. Because when I have sex I want to be completely ready.

  • Open to Love @ at 7:18 pm, August 6th, 2012

    This article is the story of my life. I “lost” my my virginity (like it was an accident- oh, I dropped it on the way home!) and don’t regret it at all. I don’t tell many people because I’m called a slut just for having a picture of hentai on my phone.
    I love sex and I love thinking of and having it. I’m not ashamed.

  • Zoe @ at 6:33 am, August 7th, 2012

    I had a similar experience to you, down to my first time being with a male friend at 16. And goddamn, rumours spread fast. In fact, someone started a rumour that he’d raped me (because that’s the only way he’d get me to have sex, apparently…God, people suck). So once the teachers caught on to that I had teachers taking me aside for talks and telling me I “may need to rethink some decisions you make in relationships”. So basically they were telling me off for having casual sex with a friend instead of telling off, you know, the person who started the rape rumour. Luckily the school councilor was on my side, and told them to drop it.
    But I agree with this article completely, women being shamed for sexual behaviour is just archaic and disgusting.

  • Rape culture didn’t kill Rehtaeh Parsons. Slut culture did. | judgybitch @ at 1:54 pm, May 7th, 2013

    […] http://thefbomb.org/2012/07/i-should-be-allowed-to-enjoy-sex/ […]

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